Wandering Soul: Lost In Storm and Shadows
by natalia5345
Summary: this is the first of three Memento Mori pieces I was prompted to write. Another Vala POV, this one is while she is still at Sol's diner during the time she was lost in Memento Mori.


Hey guys this is the first of three Memento Mori pieces I was prompted to write.  
Rating: Again shouldn't be more than a G I would say  
Disclaimer: Not Mine. MGM gets to play for real, I get to play in my head.  
Summary: Another Vala POV, this one is while she is still at Sol's diner during the time she was lost in Memento Mori.  
Thanks SO much to Erin, Cat and Stef for beta-ing. Amazingness. all of you.

Hope you all enjoy it!

**Wandering Soul: Lost In Storms and Shadows**

Vala awoke with a start in the dim back room of Sol's Diner. The only light in the room was the bluish glow of the television. The flickering light cast shadows over the bed and small folding table, the only pieces of furniture in the small, plain room. Vala looked at the screen which showed Mulder and Scully attempting to solve yet another entirely inaccurate alien mystery. Inaccurate? As Vala muted the volume she wondered absently why she was so convinced they were wrong – besides the fact that it was a television show of course. She shook her head quickly from side to side shifting on the small fold-up cot to put her head back down on the thin, white pillow. Forgetting The X-Files for the moment, she pulled the quilt up to her chin and tried to focus on the dream she'd just had.

Ever since she'd arrived at Sol's diner two weeks ago – confused, hungry and alone – she had often dreamt of things she didn't understand. She assumed they must be glimpses into her life before, memories that she couldn't quite get her hands on. Some were like lightning – shocking and frightening, catching her off guard. Others were like shadows – wispy, mysterious, and difficult to hold onto. More often than not she found the images her mind showed her to be absolutely terrifying, making her less than eager to learn more. Repeated hallucinations of these horrible images plagued her, during the day as well as in sleep. It was these images - these memories - that she shared with Sal, and he attempted, in a fatherly sort of way, to comfort her as best he could. However, these horrific and disturbing scenes of pain and torture weren't the only memories she had. Sometimes her dreams seemed to be from another life entirely. These memories, she kept to herself.

Curled up in her Sol's Diner t-shirt and pink pajama bottoms, Vala shut her eyes tightly. She tried, as she had done each time before, to picture clearly the man she had dreamt about just now. Already his face was becoming blurry. Glasses! He had glasses on this time she was sure of it. But he hadn't last night. Had he? As usual, her efforts to remember resulted in more confusion. The more she focused, the harder it was to remember any details. Eventually, as dreams tended to do, the details of the images slipped from her mind altogether. She knew they would soon be replaced with guards in helmets and people writhing in agony below her. But her hope of remembering this man kept her going. He was extremely important to her, though she didn't know why. The feelings she experienced when she glimpsed the face of this unknown man, even if hazy and brief in her convoluted dreams, were strong ones. She knew that for certain. These feelings were her only constant when it came to her past, the only thing she accepted and truly wished to retrieve from her psyche.

The bed squeaked loudly as Vala turned over, neglecting to shut off the television. The shadows created by its light continued to dance on the chipped beige wall next to the bed. Vala paid no attention to them, she had enough shadows skirting around the corners of her mind to focus on. She turned to the inner debate she had held with herself every night since she had arrived at Sol's. Should she leave the diner and try to find her way back? But back where? Did she have a home somewhere? Were they looking for her? Wait – who were 'they'? Was that man – that achingly familiar shadow of a man – waiting for her? She was desperate to know. Sal had been wonderful to her these past weeks. He had helped her more than she felt she deserved, considering she had tried to cheat him, but it was not enough. No matter how much she tried to fit in, or how much she forced herself to be content at the diner, she knew she couldn't stay. She would never be happy here. Not truly. The idea of this unknown man called to her constantly, but every time she reached for him he again slipped through her fingers. Always a shadow – shrouded in mystery and just out of reach.

Still, she was driven to leave this place. She didn't know where to go and she couldn't understand why, but it gnawed at her every night. _This wasn't her life._ It was after these thoughts each night, as she fell into an uneasy sleep, that the wistful ideas of 'somewhere else' brought images of the man to her mind's eye. And it was then that she was most comforted. Something about the quiet, calm, grey hallways, a cluttered office and his face – sometimes bearded, sometimes with glasses, but always him – allowed her to centre herself. She was calmer somehow. Even the thought of this man's presence made her feel safer. The other shadows and flashes of what she could only assume was her past life swirled in her mind, storm-like and frightening. Through the surges and cascades of dark troubling images Vala held onto the face of this man – like an anchor he held her and protected her from the raging tempest that enveloped her as she lay in the dark, all alone.

Vala hoped that if she left the diner, something, somewhere, would trigger her memory, would bring it all back. As frightening as much of her past seemed to be, the desire to seek out this unknown man – to understand the connection she felt with him – was much stronger than her fear. However, she couldn't ignore the nagging doubts that crept into her mind. What if she couldn't get her memories back? What if, like her, they were lost in the dark? No matter how hard she tried she couldn't seem to find the memories, find her way, find herself.

She was adrift, surrounded by shadows and confusion.


End file.
